Cancer is only part of my journey

"I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable...but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing." - Agatha Christie Boy,  Dame Agatha knew more than how to poison your neighbor, kill the cook and inspire one's little grey cells (said in my best Hercule Poirot voice.) Being alive is a grand thing. I'll admit it freely. I truly dislike whiners. You know the type. People who go on and on about their problems.  Once I knew a woman who had survived breast cancer back when suffers readily succumbed to it. As my beloved mother had been one of those, it was a particular touchy subject with me. Yet, despite a full recovery never did Mary express joy, much less gratitude, of her extended life  Within minutes of meeting a new person she would state her former cancer status. Folded newspaper clippings of breast cancer  statistics regularly pulled from her wallet served to embarrassed, bore or both those reader...

We all have moments of despair during our cancer battles. No worries as it is natural. Thinking of myself as a force of nature is comforting. Personal earthquakes will always occur. Thankfully, I have learned to rock and roll with them. So can you.

Do you really like being in the shadows? Dark places where gloom grows and fear lurks? Cancer is a scary part of our lives. Please do not let the dread overwhelm you. Poet Walt Whitman worked in hospitals during the American Civil War. He witnessed first hand the human body under extreme duress. Yet, he was able to write this. It might sound corny, but this is achievable by all. Those of us who regularly have sun-filled faces can attest to the positive power imparted.

Chamomile  tea warming by my bedside while a massaged glob of  lavender-infused  lotion disappears into my hands. Meditation music at the mere touch of a button ready to lull me into deep and restful slumber.  Insert diabolical laughter here. Too bad the steroids, I am currently taking to combat the nasty  Rheumatoid arthritis   side effects of Keytruda, are working against my desired result. That pesky Prednisone primed to keep me upright and awake into the morning's early hours is my new norm. Aside from the above, I've tried the old standards like reading in bed, wearing an eye mask and counting sheep. The latter proved really bad idea. Prednisone also sends my appetite soaring. Visions of fluffy ovis quickly transformed into succulent grilled lamb chops before they cleared the fence. I have no need to complain. Despite retaining constant under eye bags, steroids have failed to give me an over abundance facial hair or muscles....

I'm passing this along for anyone who can travel to France 03-08 August and is a Buddhist or has an interest in it. My dear and wonderful friend Ayya Jayati will be speaking.  I got to know her very well when she was living/teaching at a vihara in the same Northern California town as me. Her warmth, vast sense of humor and calming wisdom are a delight. When chemo stole my hair, she joked that we had the same barber. (Buddhist nuns are bald.) She is back in he UK, but we email and speak often. She is a definite part of my healing team. I am unable to travel then, but if you do get to meet this lovely woman, be sure to tell her you are one of my "Cancer Tumor Humor" buddies.