Cancer is only part of my journey

Want to know more about immunotherapy? Live or planning to visit the New York city area on Saturday, September 15th? Perhaps this FREE patient summit, sponsored by the Cancer Research Institute, is something you will be interested in. I am merely passing along the information. Click here to know more.

One thing rarely mentioned on cancer support groups or other sites is how cold one’s head and ears can become from a lack of hair. I come from a family of mostly men. At various ages all experienced follicle challenges. But even those who showed more skin than hair, never mentioned being affected by the big chill. Not me. It seems everywhere I go my nippy noggin comes along.   Admittedly, when summer temperatures soar in the high 90’s feeling even a hot breeze across my naked scalp is nice. However, just the mildest of air conditioning has me scrambling for cover.   Never a hat person prior to this latest challenge, I am now. A series of baseball caps and a wide-brimmed sun hat are typical daytime outdoor attire. Inside I cover up with felt and cotton beanies while singing the praises of the crafty volunteers who kindly donate their stitchery magic to my cancer care unit. Last week I was caught short. Having fallen and scraping up my hands ...

The kindness of strangers is so important in my life right now as I maneuver about in a place where physical friends do not exist and a lack of a car makes life a challenge. Last evening arout 6:45, I was walking the 1/2 mile to the FDR Home, here in Hyde Park. I've walked it a number of times, but for some reason I resumed my title of "Prima Ballerina at the Klutz Ballet." My left foot caught the lip of the uneven asphalt and after stumbling and unsuccessfully trying to ca tch my balance with my hiking stick...down I went. Sprawled over the shoulder, as I sat up to take inventory, four cars, on both sides of the road screeched to a stop. These four strangers picked me up and stayed as I surveyed the damage.Scraped knees, hands and an aching wrist where it could have been so much worse.  One man took me down to the FDR, where a documentary presentation was waiting. As we parked he handed me a small first aid kit and said 'keep it.'  It enabled me to cl...

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves                                                             Sir Edmund Hillary

I've been asked repeatedly how I handle the present traumatic physical and financial aspects of my life without crashing into an overwhelming depression. First, I don't believe any of this is permanent. Like a current of water, it can change for the better. I have also practiced meditation and mindfulness for years. My practice is even stronger now, and mindfulness carries me through many painful and or stressful situations. A trendy word to many, mindfulness is not hard to establish in your life, if interested. How? Thich Nhat Hahn, a Zen Buddhist monk I greatly respect, explains it best. 'Take the time to eat an orange in mindfulness. If you eat an orange in forgetfulness, caught in your anxiety and sorrow, the orange is not really there. But if you bring your mind and body together to produce true presence, you can see that the orange is a miracle. Peel the orange. Smell the fruit. See the orange...

Just invent a good-tasting oral liquid that people have to drink before taking contrast dye for a CT scan. Today was my fourth experience. Each of them have featured "cocktails" of varying tastes that all ultimately taste like boiled socks. Truthfully, I've never tasted boiled sock water, but this glop is what I imagine it is made from. BTW should you invent the sure-fire moneymaker, just remember to send me checks for being an inspiration.

“ Only thing we have to fear… is fear itself.” With those words, President Franklin D. Roosevelt calmed a panicked nation and set a very high bar for future Inaugural speechwriters. Sometimes fear is an emotion that sneaks up suddenly and works fast to incapacitate. This photo represents is one of my earliest experiences. I’m not the kid, but that is the old Cyclone roller coaster once a main attraction of the legendary Palisades Park. Located across from Manhattan on the New Jersey side of the Hudson River it was constantly advertised on summertime TV, comic books and on radio by iconic 60’s DJ “Cousin Brucie”. I begged, pleaded and cajoled for years to go. Finally, at age ten my dream came true. We arrived at twilight as the temperatures diminished along with the entrance fee prices. New York’s epic skyline twinkled from the east. Did we start on calmer rides to get acclimated? Hell, no not with my father. Never one to “baby” me because I was a girl, we left ...

“One who transforms old and heedless ways into fresh and wholesome acts brings light into the world like the moon freed from clouds.” Dhammapada, verse 173

June 2016    April 2018     May 2018 In 2016, I underwent a full hysterectomy and was assured the small cancerous tumor on my uterus had be eradicated without any further treatment like radiation or chemo. Grateful for the fantastic outcome, I was especially delighted at not having to lose my hair. Sure, to avoid regular shaving of underarm and leg hair sounded terrific. But to bid adios to my silver mane was a step, I didn’t want to consider. Blessed with terrific, thick and wavy follicles since childhood, many had complimented me as it changed from its original platinum blonde through the brunette years to the arrival of grey strands that first appeared in my early 30s. Even then, the new color ringed my face, causing people to think it was highlights. My hairdresser told me to tell everyone, that he and not Mother Nature, was responsible. But by 2018, things drastically changed. A stage 4 tumor now invaded my body. Requiring both ...

Recently, I was asked if I was filled with anger at the direction my life has taken in the recent past. Honestly - no. While I wish the physical and financial difficulties were non-existent, I realize this period is meant to serve some good purpose. What exactly I have yet to fully discover. But the other day, I got a small hint. While standing in line, an unknown woman, in her 60's, came up to me and asked, "what do you have?" Now aside from my peach fuzz noggin and needing my hiking stick to balance a bit, I am fortunate not to look ill. "You have cancer don't you? I have metastasized breast cancer, and I'm dying." Weird way to continue a conversation. It seems she was having a panic attack about leaving her adult children. "I cry for days at a time, don't you?" Finally, I was able to speak. "I allow myself time to cry and feel scared, frustrated or whatever,but it is limited to mi...