Winken, Blinken and Nodding Off.

Oh cancer, only because of you can I recapture my youth.

My hair is at the same growth stage it was 61 years ago, my tumor’s position makes wearing a diaper a necessity at times and best of all – I have not taken so many naps since toddlerhood!

Are you tired during your cancer battle?

I am.

Not that I’m in a constant state of exhaustion, but my eyelids frequently droop as yawns escape my mouth. Then it becomes far from a pretty sight.

I blame the change in meds.

By my fourth chemo session, I required stronger pain medications than the occasional ibuprofen. My oncology gynecologist prescribed oxycodone to be given while I received my infusion cocktail. Coupled with Benadryl, the antihistamine used to avoid nausea, within minutes I was out.

Upon awakening and noting the dampness of my front and grogginess I asked the nurse if I had slept for long.

‘Oh honey, you were sound asleep for at least an hour,’ she said as a small smile crossed her face.

‘Are we talking dozing delicately or napping noisily with mouth open and drool and snores pouring forth?’

Her grin broadened.

‘Oh, the latter, definitely the latter.’

After extracting a promise should I again fall into such disarray I would be awakened, I pulled a blanket over my head and returned to Benadryl.

At first, sleeping 10 -12 hours or worse needing to take a nap shortly after waking up from an 8-hour stretch was disheartening. It made me feel a wastrel. My prognosis does not allow for wasted time, or so I thought.

It was my oldest friend, who calmly listened to my concerns as she does to all of them before proclaiming my body obviously needed rest. Give into it, she suggested.

So, I have.

To combat the ridiculous guilt about being lazy, I often fade off to sleep while watching

documentaries. Scientists still debate if learning is possible while catching zzzz’s. All I know is I can now confidently discuss the differences and similarities between Marx, Nietzsche and Freud, create kimchi and name a plethora of European royalty related to Queen Victoria.

I’ve accepted my eyebags are hereditary and no amount of sleep will change that. I do feel better, am rarely stressed and my condition is favorably noticed by the doctor.

Now I know – naps are good. Relax and enjoy them if you can. Think how much good they are doing for your body and spirit.

I would write more positive aspects, but yawns are increasing, and my bed is calling my name.

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Cancer is only part of my journey

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